i shall talk abt training tis morning. it wasnt reali a training bt a ceremony to welcome the sec1s into NCC and the sec3s getting their CPL ranks. the start of training, i try nt to raise my voice. i let my part (sec3s) do wat they wan and i nvr scold them, i thought since u all are alreadx in NCC for the 3rd yr,u all will noe the basic discipline. looks like u all proved mi WRONG!! i look at the sec2s, they can do better den u, which part of fall-in dun adjust u all dun understand. which part of 'adjustments cut' u all dun understand. before the ceremony start, i told myself nt to let u all perspire so much, dun punish u all bt if i dun do anything u all will tink tat im jus a person wearing a SSG rank, doing nth. infront of mi, when the timer say adjusments cut still can move around, chit-chat as if this is ur hse. i pump u all 40, do u tink i wan it. no seniors would like to see their cadets suffering bt if shit is produce den u will get shit for us. Iin NCC, wat does our pledge says : "To maintain a high standard of discipline" bt i dun see tat in anyone of you. during the ceremony, u noe hw humiliated am i by u all and do u noe hw the sirs and seniors will look at mi. when the cadets are doin the wrong things, the instructors always gets the blame. so doesnt mean u are the instructors means u r save frm everything. all ur marching during the ceremony are like f**k and u all dun even noe hw to stop. i tink i reali am a failure, takin tis part to tis standard...haix...

aft normal trainin, had PDS. it have been quite sometime since i played wif the rifle. no choice, kana force to join in the performance. had last min prac den teach the cadets. there are some potential ppl bt i dunno wat to say abt them...

the whole week was basically jus plain boring and slacking. i slept through ALL and i repeat ALL my A Maths lessons becos it was jus too hard to keep my eyes on the board. fri had sports day, as usually, im on councillor duty. it wasnt reali boring becos we were joking and playing wif Mr Loh (DM) den there was some big commotion lah, if anybody wan to noe wat is it abt come and ask mi, i am too lazy to type it here.

i tink i will stop here, i seriously dunno wat to type le. byebye.

I hope
I wish
I pray

sunday. morning i set my alarm at 0500,i woke up at tat time bt thought to myself wat can i do so earli in the morning so i went back to sleep,woke up again at 0530 and again thought to myself the same question and the ans is the same, sleep. i stepped out of my room at 0555. online till 0630 and left the hse. seems like i left the hse late,i was usually the first to reach even before the church was open bt today when i reach there were alreadx ppl there. sang for mass den went for cat class. singing in the NPC hall,i slept through the whole thing becos tat was when my headache started.

seriously,my headache is killing mi!!! i cnt do anythin well wif tis stupid thing. i dun tink it is jus normal headache,if it is i will be fine aft some medcine and rest bt im not. my mum ask mi to jus go to the polyclinic tml to check,at least even if it is something serious and i found out in the earli stage it can be cure if too late den........

When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize. Proverbs 31:10-11

todae,i didnt go back to class for any lesson. whole day was spent outside the canteen near the parade square helpin out. MR SIMEN, our GIANT BOSS cooked chicken curry for us today. infornt of the whole sch,he taught us wat to put in,wat to do and all the stuff. he reali kept his promise,he told us tat he will be cookin for us b4 sch close and aft tat here he is done cooking...haha...though i nvr tasted his curry bt many of the teachers and students said tat it was veri nice. the amount of oil added in was like 1 WHOLE BOTTLE. we were all so shocked,so much oil!?!?!?! bt the overall results came out to be very tasty and yet nt veri oily...he is goin to cook 1 more time next monday for teachers and students who did nt taste it today...

having veri bad headaches tis few days,i dunno becos of wat. i cnt concentrate on anythin wif my head like tat,and to add on to it sometimes my vision blurred too...hiax...mayb im goin to die soon...

Love Me
Colin Raye

I read a note my grandma wrote
Back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat
And he showed it once to me
He said boy you might not understand
But a long long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none
But I loved your grandma so

We had this crazy plan to meet
And run away together
Get married in the first town we came to
And live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were
Supposed to meet instead
I found this letter and this is what it said

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love me

I read those words just hours before
My grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church
When me and grandpa stopped to pray
I know I'd never seen him cry
All my 15 years
But as he said these words to her
His eyes filled up with tears

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love me

Between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love me

didnt blog on sat becos dun hv anything to talk abt lah,my mind is at a blank now. i dun like hw things work in NCC becos since you position me as PS, i shld be the one conducting the activities, planning for them or whatsoever. But now is like the ASM is the PS and i am jus a assistant to him. ASM, im nt blaming you or anythin lah bt i jus feel tat i nvr hv reali done my part. When i ask my cadets, do you feel bonded wif mi and wat do i get, "err,nt reali. bt _____ still ok wif us". Do you noe hw i feel inside?? i feel like a failure,a useless PS. i sometimes wonder hw come i got tis post. i passing-out in 3mths time and yet i still havent bonded wif my cadets...haix...

my sch work,is getting frm bad to worst. i dun hv the motivation and determination to do my work. the first day of term2, i alreadx got caught for sleepin in class. im jus so tired of all tis rubbish,reali dun hv the mood to do things. i tink im TRYING to do all tis is jus becos i wan to get into the course and job i wan next time, bt tis is reali pain to mi lah. sec4,everythin is abt studies, everythin also "rmb, afew more mths to ur N levels, afew more mths to ur O levels". i so sick and tired of hearin all tis liao lor...haix...

What can I say or do?? If this is what you want from me than let it be done bah...

came back frm the sec3 level camp ytd,the 1st day. got quite bad headache. again i slept al the way frm aftnn to the next morning which is like now lah. ytd did nth at all lah,jus learn afew knots and did field cooking. veri fun meh??!! the sec4 pay $180 to go there and be the assistant instructor, WTF!! a total waste of my time lah.

since im back, i can go for my taiji today,dun nid to skip le. i forgotten to say something abt my piano exam. the stupid question ask,which instrument can play the right hand part of tis extract and since it is in the treble clef,i choose the onli instrument tat sounds to mi correct, timpani (speeling may be wrong). becos the rest were all in bass clef like cello,tuba,trumbone... and den it ask,wat family does it belong to?? i cnt ans,i jus wrote some rubbish. i tink is brass or something. tml i got piano lesson,im gonna ask my teacher.

somebody asked mi : "How am i feeling emotionally??" How can i ans tis question,i thought to myself. I am nt feeling better nor am i feeling down. i try to cheer ppl up bt i dunno if it works,becos i cnt do the things i told them myself. my feeling at tis point of time is no longer impt becos nobody cares anw. even if i tell someone, the reply will onli be a 'orh', 'yes', 'ok'. im reali trying my best to keep up wif everyone bt seems like my pace is jus too slow. 'Try harder and you will do better next time' do i believe in tis?? i hope so bt i tink im nt. i have been trying and trying bt nth seems to be better...for all the things tat i have done or said and have hurt anyone of you, i apologize.

I can't make you love me, want me, or understand me... All I can do is hope that someday you will.

Leaders' Creed

We, the leaders of Montfort
Resolute in loyalty
Leading by example
We carry out our task cheerfully and
accomplish them with quality
Leadership to us is a privillage
Not a birth right
I will not abuse my power
Or boost my ego
at the expense of others

With a compass on my left
And a torch on my right
We lead day and night
Cum rain or shine

Rank is what we wear
Respect is what we earn
To know is our job
To go is to lead
To show is our pride
We know! We go! We show the way!
LEADERS!

back from ubin. didnt blog ytd when i came back becos was too tired lah,slept frm 3.30pm to tis morning 7.00am. it is like almost 16hrs?? Sian lah,nth much to talk abt the camp. mostly is jus takan takan takan,see who can work under pressure. And we have got the ans bt im nt goin to say names here. the onli thing i would like to say is the camp was super tired. didnt get to sleep on fri night or shld i say sat morning,finish instructors' briefing at 2am in the morning den i still got to do norminal roll. finished it at abt 3 bt since we have to wake up at 4.30,i also dun wan go back sleep le so was slacking here and there lor. went to eat breakfast opp sch,almost fell asleep while waitin for food to come. i tink the camp was nt veri successful though mayb 50-50 bah. wat the sirs say were quite true lah,so yah,i accepted it.

I had my piano exam on sat,at dunno wat AEC Building. went there,becos i reach earli lah,waitin in the room for like 25mins den got 1 boy behind mi,super noisy lah. i tink he is those hyper type,the invigilator must tell him to sit still and dun make so much noise. my paper was fairly easi lah bt cnt score a distinction though. i promise a pass.

nth much to blog abt le,sian...and one more thing,im nt goin to change the song tis week,i quite like tis song. the lyrics and all,i find it meaningful.

im reali cold now... reali veri veri cold...tis feeling cant be discribe at all,it is all in the heart.

i failed my phy test, 2/10 hw nice can tat be...

everything is nt reali goin hw i thought it would be bah,mayb tis is nt my time..........or mayb it is time for me to fall...........

I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause i'd miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when i dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And i'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then i kiss your eyes
And thank god we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause i'd miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when i dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing

I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Rght here with you, just like thisi just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause i'd miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when i dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
I don't want to miss a thing

nowadays,i like to bathe wif super cold water. even wif the weather so cold,i still bathe wif it. it sort of cool me down lah,frm anythin tat happens in sch. it is a veri shiok experience,ppl shld make a habit and bathe in cold water. i did some research and it was said tat bathing in cold water will close ur pores so when u go out in a cold weather u will nt fall sick easily. How true is tis statement??

i have been coming back home late everyday. either i have alot of things to do or jus plain slacking. come back home,i also got nth to do so jus stay in sch lor. at least i got my frens bt usually we also do our own things de lah. i registered for my 'O' Level Maths le, i cnt rmb hw much,i jus sign the paper onli. hope i can do well for it so i can skip lessons for maths next yr.

it has been a challenge to mi to control the upper secondary during recess time. nt keepin their plates,sometimes i will hv to reason wif them tell them to keep. i noe i hv alreadx become a targated person among the secondary3 le becos of mi carrying out my duties. tis yr,sec4 & 5 will nt dare to do anythinf funny becos of their 'N' & 'O' Levels,afraid of being suspended. i was veri slack in my lower secondary years bt now,i must begin to lead the sudent population. sometimes good leaders are meant to be hated,bt i still hope they will understand why im doin all tis.

Music,i always thought tat it will be part of my life bt now seems like im wrong. even now,as im typing,i blow the pitch pipe and listen to the note,i cant even get it. looks like i reali start to sux at it. But i wont be giving up,like wat i said, It is time i look at the positive side of life. I hope tis will help me get through tis.

i reali hope ppl will understand my feelings now. But nvm........