I have a funny feeling stirring inside me, don't really feel like being happy and laughing/smiling. How leh? I also don't know what causes this feeling, is there anythng that I did or anything that someone else did? I don't know, can anybody tell mi?

Sian-ness is filled all over and inside of me. The last few days of holiday le, I should be enjoying but I just can't. This is so not me lor, I don't even feel like going out lah. Haix...

I'd Really Love to See You Tonight

Hello, yeah it's been awhile
Not much, how 'bout you
I'm not sure why I called
I guess I really just wanted
To talk to you

And I was thinking maybe later on
We could be together for a while
It's been such a long time
And I really do miss your smile

I'm not talking bout relating
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowin the stars around
And I'd really love to see you tonight

We could go walkin through a windy park
Take a drive along the beach
Or stay at home and watch tv
You see it really doesn't matter much to me

I'm not talking bout relating
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowin the stars around
And I'd really love to see you tonight

I won't ask for promises
So you don't have to lie
We both played that game before
Say I love you then say goodbye

I'm not talking bout relating
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowin the stars around
And I'd really love to see you tonight

I'm not talking bout relating
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowin the stars around
And I'd really love to see you tonight

I thas been sometime since I blog le. Many things seem to have happened over the past few days. Within these many things, a lot of the events should not even be taking place but it still did because of a certain factor.

Christmas caroling went quite well, no major screw up only some songs went sharp and flat. The hotel caroling was very fun, the angmohs are really very supportive. UNLIKE singaporeans, we only stand around to clap and watch but the angmohs really show their appreciation. I think we are just not as open as them bah.

My chalet passed so fast, like with a blink of the eye, 4D3N has already past. I think next time I would rather pay more for a better chalet bah, my spoilt toilet was only repaired on the third day. Then no point repairing also mah, I also checking out on the next day le. Had my fair share of fun there, felt abit left out but nevermind lah, just hope you guys had fun!!!

Next week school is starting le, don't know should I be worried or should I look forward to it. I have almost forgotten everything I had learned in my 4years in secondary school. I looked at my A Maths TYS, even simple questions I also take so long to look at it but in the end, I still don't know how to do. Damn shit sia, how am I going to enter school in like 4days?

this is how I feel.

I was reading through my first few post yesterday, a bit kuku now that I have think of it but I find that at that time, that was how I feel lah. Haha. Whatever is done, it is done. No point crying over spilled milk mah. Haha. I have accepted the fact that everything is over and I will always remember the happy moments and not the sad ones. Haha.

What is love between two people? Is it just the company of each other? No, both parties must be able to accept each others bad points and recognize the good points. Haha. This a bit rubbish lah, but many people fail to do this. Relationships is just like a road (not one way road), it goes both ways. There is always a give and take, if there isn't then it is confirm that the relationship will not last.

After saying all these, please do not be mistaken that I have someone that I like/love. Haha. It is just what I feel that should be said now. People getting into relationships are getting younger and younger. We should therefore educate them instead of forbidding them. Haha.

Christmas is coming in like three days time? Haha. After all the practices we went through, now is the final lap that we are worked so hard for. Hope we can all do well during caroling for the next few days. Haha.

Wah, like so long never update liao. Haha. Over the weekends never blog because quite busy lah, never really at home also.

Nothing much happen lah. Celebrated The Old's birthday at Bliss on Friday night, then we walking around punggol park to send Jie home. Quite late le mah, in the end, I reached home myself only at 2am lor. Damn tired but still manage to stay awake for awhile to sms some people. Haha.

Saturday went out with 'you know who'. We were walking like for hours lah, damn tired. I enter LV like 2 times and Gucci 5 times can, I also don't know how to see the things inside but have to go in. All the things inside like even the cheapest also $1xx de lor. I don't think in my whole life I will ever want to own something like this. Haha. Had lunch at some thai restaurant, the food was not bad lah but then again, if i'm alone, I also won't go there eat de. You know lah, poor people can only eat at food court or hawker centre. Haha.

Sunday went to church as usual then went for the army career seminar and badminton. The seminar I just go for the FREE (valvue for money) movie tickets only, we left halfway through the talk. Because all the infomation that was delivered, I already heard before le. Haha. Then badminton, I play until like everywhere pain lor. Thigh and arm pain, I think too long never exercise, cannot take so much physical activities. We should go and play more often lah, so I can train up. Haha.

Just now went to collect my N Levels result. I scored better than I expected lor, quite surprise also. Then all the top students for this year are from my class, all 7 of them. My results are below :

English A2
Humans B4
Maths A1 (expected de lah)
Science B3
POA B4
Chinese B3

So my total for best 3 subjects is 1+2+3=6points, exactly my aim. Haha. For my both langauge I was quite surprised with my results, because when I was doing them, I lost hope in the paper but my results proved me wrong!! Haha.

Here to blog again. I have been like blogging everyday lor, means that i'm too free liao. Haha.

Can't wait to end my work man, then I get all the freedom I want. Tthe feeling of trap inside the office is not nice lor. Especially when you got nothing to do. I practically went to every blog link I have and start reading people's post. Seriously damn bored lah, I will go crazy like that lor.

Tried to download maple just now, then at 30% the stupid internet don't know got what shit error, then it just closed the tab. Dumb computer, shit internet. Seeing all my friends leveling up so fast, makes me want to chiong more but I got no time leh. Pathatic level 65 lor. Haix.

I got piano lesson later. Don't even know if I still can play. It has already been like 2weeks I never touch or play the piano le. I hope that I can remember how to play my exam piece later for my teacher.

I have thought through about it le. Since music is the choice that I made, I will stick to it till the day my both legs step into the coffin. Now I have to concentrate on my piano first, after that then singing. Because I think piano in more important to me lah, like I have already been learning for so many years le (but still i suck at it). Wish me luck bah, hope I can get my grade 6 practical next year.

It has been like so long since i train le, like running and weights. Don't know if i'm ready for the airborne selection next year. It is like must pass NAPFA leh and for so many years of taking in school, I have never ever once have a pass lor (see how unfit I am). I really want that wing lor, it is like very prestige leh. Like how many 16year old will get to do jumps? Just pray hard that I can pass. Haha.

Congratulations to those who got into their first choice JC for their 1st month. For those who didn't, don't feel depressed. God will have his way of giving you things that you ask for. Just work hard in whatever that you are given and PRAY!! Prayer is the best way of communication with God. Haha. And i'm not joking ok!!

I'm still considering wheather should I skip the caroling on my birthday, 27th Dec. Like if I skip then there will be short of 1 bass, then if I never skip, my chalet almost every night I am not there de. Can someone give me any suggestion? Please please please!!

Wah, my 130th post le. Don't know is it a lot of little? Haha.

Another boring day in the office, seriously got nothing to do at all. Everytime a piece of work come on my table, I will like finish it withen the day itself when people ask me to slowly do. I mean, it is not my style to like drag my work for so long lor. If I want it done, then finish on the spot, wait so long for what.

Last night went to watch Golden Compass with Leo. Maybe I don't understand the show lah, I fell asleep like in the middle of the show. I didn't even know there are 3 parts to the show and I asked Leo, "Why the show like end in the middle of no where de?" It will be stupid question if you know that there are 3 parts but for me, I don't know mah. Haha. I'm going out again on Sat with 'you know who'. Sian lah, this is a no choice thing lor. Haix...

Later got taiji, I like skip quite a lot of times already lor. Like last week skip because got too heavy rain then difficult to get there (very lame reason).

Caroling practices are already planned. It is like only 2 weeks? then Christmas is here. So fast lor, I haven't even enjoyed my holiday properly yet leh. But one thing also good lah, after Christmas will be my birthday liao, then I will be offically 16. It is so tong ku that all your friends are 16 and you are not lor. People can go and play pool, watch NC16 movies, do a lot of stuff. Then only left you, stranded alone, what also cannot do. Like when you want to take driving licence, by the time my birthday is here, I will be 'unofficially' 19 already. These are the downside of a year end baby.

Tomorrow Jie is going to start work liao. Congratez on getting your first job!! Haha. Working in the same company as Jason. Also good lah, at least when you first enter, you have someone there to guide you first before you are on your own. Then now you will know the feeling of being trapped inside the office and cannot do anything. Haha.

I can't wait for Christmas, got like caroling at people's house, in the hotel. I think it is going to be fun. And the stupid suprise that we are going to have in the hotel, don't know wheather is it going on a not. If yes, then I will have to suffer abit lor. For the sake of the choir, I will do it lah. 300bucks leh!!

Am I talking too much rubbish here liao? I think it is all the boredem that has got into my head, another 1hr 15mins before I end work. Sian-ness!!

So boring and empty working now, nothing to do in the office. This is the feeling i'm having now, lonliness and emptyness. How to explain it, erm, it is just like that lor. I'm sure some of you also have this feeling before, it is just unexplainable.

I have to put down, let go and move on. All these are what I am SUPPOSE to do but I don't know CAN I do it? Haix... Is music my life? Maybe I took the wrong choice of going into music? I just suck at it. I don't even dare to say that i'm a musician. I agree that there is music in everyone but some of us just suck and do lousier than the rest. Haix...

Working need a lot of commitment, cannot just say don't go then don't go. I think I cannot give that type of commitment now (next time when i'm not studying should be able to), I just so many activities I want to do but because of work, I can't. Now I just finish my last 2 weeks of working then it will be chirstmas and new school term le.

Next week going to get my N Level result, Tuesday. Wish me luck, I know I will definately pass but with how many points, I don't know. I think this is the first year in my schooling life that I study for my exams. Though I did not put in as much effort as the rest of my peers, I hope to get at least a better grades than what I used to get.

Don't be mistaken, i'm not emoing now. It is just some kind of feeling that is stirring inside me which I cannot explain. This is just a 15 years old thing lah. Haha. (I'm still 15 now, so sad) Ok, I will blog again another time. Time to slack in the office again. Byebye.

Don't mind me, it is not you.

Back from STAC Retreat. Very fun and enjoyable indeed. Haha. Play like mad during the whole 3 days, was damn high lah. First day met in church at 0830 then proceeded to FMM. The stupid bus trip was so long lor, i think got more than 1hour lah. Suppose to reach there earlier but the driver don't know where the place is and we were like going in circles and making so many u turns. Finally reached the place, unpacked our stuff and went on to play games. The games were very fun lah. Thanks lauren!! Haha. Had sessions in the afternoon, it did stir up something in me lah, but I just don't know what izzit. Had our meals and practice. The next morning woke up at like 0600, so early lor but it was because we need to attend mass lah so it is ok. Went through the whole days playing games, having sessions and practices. The game in the morning was the most high one, run here and there and I fell down also. "On the third day", same thing again, woke up at 0600 to attend mass then play game. I was running like mad during the game, finding the clues all over the retreat place. Had a session after that with sister, and than our own reflection. Had another mass in the afternoon, become so holy liao, one day 2 masses. Haha. Packed up and got ready to go home after mass. But before we left the place, we had our group exchange thingy lah. I find that this is a good idea, at least there are more people to give their comments instead of just only the conductor.

I can see that this retreat open up a lot of people. Not only did we bond together as a choir but also we move our friendship with one another to another level. The new people start to open up and talk to the seniors and the seniors got closer to one another and I feel the choir is more like a family now :D Can't wait for the next retreat in 2009. Haha.

Went to eat buffet after we ended the retreat. Quite worth it lah, the price is cheap but the food still has a certain standard. Next time can go and eat again lah. Haha. Anybody interested just let me know.

Lonliness is what I fear most but i'm feeling it somehow. I don't know from who, what, where, it is just coming to me. Haix. It is just like i'm in a room alone, and I look out of the window seeing all my close friends playing and I can't go out and join them. The room has not doors and the window is unbreakable. How? What can I do? Haix.

Back from YC Retreat, quite fun to a certain extend. Can say like this is my first time on my own willingly going for this type of camp.

Yesterday's skit presentation was the session which i enjoyed the most during the whole retreat. Our whole group was laughing like mad during our practice lah, and we had so much fun planning and executing the whole presentation to the other groups.

We also had a meditation session before lunch. It was really a meditation session man, almost 90% of the people in the room was sleeping during that 10 minutes that we were given to us to have our quiet time. People said that I snore, so sorry if I did because I was really quite tired and sleepy.

And did I also mention that this was the first time in my whole life that I was jumping and singing during praise and worship. Haha. Was like no choice de lah, backside itchy lor, stand in the first row. So jie and I was like looking at each other blur also. Haha. When the people at the front started to jump, we just follow lor. Haha. The praise and worship was ok at the start, because we were quite awake but after almost 2 hours into it really cannot take it liao. My head is like spinning inside lah, their singing is non-stop. So I rather go for confession then to sit inside the hall and listening to somemore of the music.

Skipped this morning's session. Didn't really have the energy to sit inside the hall and share anymore lah. I think I have killed so many brain cells trying to think of anwsers to the questions they asked us to share. Maybe next time if I'm FREE, I will go for YC's camp/retreat again bah.

Morning during choir practice, basses were like suan till very bad lah. I myself also blur blur liao then ask me to sing some more. I know my blurness shouldn't be used as an excuse lah but I have already told you liao mah, I cannot pitch, not that I don't want to sing. Haix. Maybe next time I should just make myself disappear won't the SLs are not there. If not i'm just finding trouble for myself.

Looking forward to choir retreat. Hope it will be more fun and interesting. Byebye.